I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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