i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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