everyone is single if you try hard enough
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
