I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
