do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
