I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
