So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
