I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
