come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
This gyro tastes like lonliness
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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