he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
