Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
