just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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