If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Randomize
