I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize