Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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