too bad you live with your parents still
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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