he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
