Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
