I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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