I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
where are my eyebrows?
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