whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
