This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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