I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
