did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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