There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
