Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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