New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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