Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
