party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
