I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
