Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
