Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
