I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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