Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
It's shark week go big or go home
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
