I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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