no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
