the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
