Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
