THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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