I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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