big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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