Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He's on the porch naked. Help.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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