why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
