remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
