Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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