First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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