so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
