R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
