I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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