you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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